I'm Leaving
by LeeT911
Summary: Laynie decides that staying in Everwood isn't for her, and maybe she'd be better off back at boarding school.


I'm Leaving

_Everwood_ fanfiction by LeeT911  (LeeT911@hotmail.com)

*  *  *  *  *

I wake in one abrupt step.  The pleasant drowsiness of sleep merges flawlessly with the sudden realization of awareness.  It's going to be a nice day.  Sunlight streams in through the window, highlighting specks of airborne dust in my room.  The sky is clear, save for a few stray clouds drifting to and fro like a fleet of disabled ships.  Birds flutter about in the still naked branches of nearby trees, anxious for the spring to come.  I don't care.

I'm leaving.  Soon.  I have to.  In my mind it's already decided.  My parents might not like it, but they'll go along with it.  Colin might not want it, but he'll respect my decision.  Ephram.  I wonder what he'll say.  I wonder if he'll have anything to say at all.  Not important.  There's nothing holding me back here.  I'm gone for a few months, I come back, and the world has already moved on.  I'm no longer a part of the picturesque country-side town of Everwood.  Not that I ever wanted to be.

My bed is comfortable, alluring, but the clock ticks away relentlessly.  I'll be late if I don't get up soon.  Half-heartedly, the covers are kicked away.  My toes curl in the frigid morning air.  I sit up quickly, knowing that to lie down again is to give up.  Yawn.  Stretch.  For one fleeting moment, I have an incredible urge to just drop back and go to sleep again.  I rub my eyes, sigh, and climb out of bed.

There is movement in the room next to mine.  Colin is up.  I move quickly to the door, hoping to get to the bathroom before my brother.  Success.

*  *  *  *  *

Cleaned and dressed, I reemerge into the hallway.  Colin is waiting.  I smile at him as I walk by, hiding my deep morning thoughts.  He wants to exchange pleasantries, but I'm in no mood for that.  Somehow, he senses my discomfort and closes the bathroom door, attending to himself.

Colin's changed since his accident.  Undoubtedly so, but he's not the same brother I used to have.  He pays more attention to me now, even though the only thing he really remembers is the fact that he has a sister.  I don't mind.  I don't think he ever really knew me before.  It's too bad, he may not get another chance.

I make my way to the kitchen, past the bedroom of my still sleeping parents.  The kitchen is much dimmer, its windows facing the west.  I find the subdued light reassuring, a reflection of my suddenly stagnant appetite.  Breakfast doesn't appeal to me.  Not today.  Nonetheless, knowing that I should at least eat something, I pull open the fridge.  The little light clicks on, unveiling the myriad of choices I have.  Indecisiveness is most annoying.  Compromise.  I settle for a glass of milk, its faint alkaline taste mingling with that of toothpaste.

Without another thought, I grab my coat and bag, head for the door.  I have no desire to see Colin today, though I don't know why.  I have no desire to see anyone at all today, but the school is much less forgiving.  I'll skip Bright's lift.  I can make the walk.  In glaring contrast to my mood, it is unseasonably warm.  Perhaps it will even be pleasant.

*  *  *  *  *

The first bell rings just as I enter the school grounds.  I'm late.  The thought doesn't bother me.

I see Ephram ride up to the school, legs pumping on his bike.  He's as late as I am, and fighting a losing battle with time.  Dismounting quickly, he grabs his things and disappears into the building.  Why run?  You'll only be two minutes late instead of five.  I'm sure all the teachers count time down to the second.  I stop walking.  I don't see the point.

I don't see why Ephram is so infatuated with her.  What does Amy have that I don't?  I wish I didn't care.  I wish it didn't matter.  I wish for a million things that will never come true, but still. . .  I wish.

The sound of his voice still echoes in my mind.  The sight of him still claws at my innards.  I remember the smell of winter on him the first time we met.  I remember his touch when I slipped my hand into his.  I remember the sting of. . . rejection?  No, that's not really it.

He is so selfless; the way he wants nothing but happiness for her.  I wonder if she knows what he feels for her.  I wonder if she even knows what he's really like.  I wonder if there's anyone at all who knows him.  I don't think I ever did.

*  *  *  *  *

The halls of the school are deserted by the time I make it inside, every student already dutifully in class.  I am now nearly an hour late.  I wander haphazardly to my locker, passing Amy's classroom.  She catches sight of me, raises a hand to wave.  I ignore her.

Just as I make it to my locker, the bell rings again, this one announcing the end of first period.  Teenagers assault me from all directions, students piling out of their classes and dashing to the next, or to their lockers, or to wherever they're in a hurry to get to.  I feel as though I'm moving against the flow of the world.  I've felt it my entire life.

Far ahead, I catch another glimpse of Ephram.  He too, is scurrying from one important place to another.  I find it all very distasteful.  But somehow, the sight of him is not unpleasant.  I wish I could be more like him.  Such strength, such poise, such devotion.

I slam my locker closed, feeling the beginnings of depression start to creep into my soul.  To myself, I repeat my mantra against this place.

"I'm leaving.  Soon."

*  *  *  *  *

END


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